Evaluation of my Writing Skills

Over the course of the year, we have written two main essays. The first essay was during our primary unit of the Alchemist and the second essay was written in our recent unit of Julius Caesar. Both essays show my strength and weaknesses as a writer as well as my writing improvements over the last couple of months.

The Alchemist essay was easier to construct since we had almost more than 3 weeks to complete it and was not done in 80 minutes. Therefore my ideas and content were much more developed than those in the Julius Caesar essay. My Alchemist essay in general made sense and looking back, it seems like I really knew what I was talking about. Since I had a clear understanding of my topic and knew what I was talking about, I was able to include interesting little details and voice that spiced up my writing. I provided good quotations and examples from the book, which I then backed up with how they related to my ideas of a particular topic.

In the Julius Caesar essay however, I did not have that much time to check and go over my ideas, so some of my content was not fully developed and didn't quite make sense at times. I had to be fully prepared to add examples to my writing and I had to have a clear understanding of the topic so I could write in in about 70 minutes. Since I looked at a different perspective than most of my peers, I had to have a stronger persuasion skill. I knew the topic well and was willing to add interesting and relevant details as well as examples to back up my ideas. Overall I think I brought across understandable and developed ideas in both of my essays.

My organization for both essays was pretty good. Once again since I had more time with the Alchemist essay, my organization, topic sentences, transition sentences were very strong. I had an o.k hook at the beginning to grab my readers attention. It was not great but it was pretty good. I also had a very clear thesis statement and all of my long body paragraphs also had a clear topic sentence to introduced the reader to the topic I was going to talk about. When I added a quotation, I always backed it up with how I thought that fit into context and I also tried to have a strong conclusion. However on the Julius Caesar essay my organization was kind of all over the place. I had a confusing thesis statement but I did have good topic sentences for each paragraph. However I was missing some transition sentences and my conclusion paragraph was not as strong but since I didn't have a lot of time, I couldn't go back and "polish" my organization up.


I think that overall I did grow in my writing skills however that doesn't really show in my two essays. This is because, like I said above, I had more time to develop my ideas and look back to revise in the Alchemist essay than in my Julius Caesar essay in which I couldn't revise and look back on. However when I look at small things such as detail and change of sentences, I do realize that I have improved and grown a lot as a writer. I will continue to learn from my mistakes and do my best.


One SLR that I think I use whilst crafting my essay would be communicating effectively. In order to write a good essay one has to impact the reader. I have to have good voice in my writing so it wont be too boring or too over the top. I also have to be clear about what I am saying and whilst looking back and reading it in my head, I have to be able to make sense of what I am writing so that the reader will too understand what I am talking about. In order to come across to a reader and communicate effectively one has to know what they are talking about ad go into depth with their writing. By thinking in depth and writing with voice, I think I communicate effectively to my reader whilst creating an essay.

Admiring Antony

“Pardon me Julius! Here was thou bay’d, brave hart; Here dist thou fall; and here thy hunters stand”.

In William Shakespeare’s, Julius Caesar, Mark Antony is portrayed as a loyal and worshipping friend of the mighty Caesar. When Caesar is in power, Antony is his follower, a man who highly respects him and looks up on him in loving admiration. However, because his loyalty is all towards Caesar and no one else, he unintentionally overshadows and loses his ability to make a critical assessment of the environment around him. That is why when Caesar is assassinated, Antony feels, as showed in the passage above, that he is guilty, like he let Caesar down in the last minutes of his life. In this play, Mark Antony undergoes a progressive change in his morality. His conflict is his endless admiration and loyalty towards Julius Caesar, the realization that he could not protect Caesar and that he thinks that he has failed him. Through experiencing the trauma of Julius Caesar’s death and choosing the path of revenge, he can liberate himself and become a leader from the follower he was before.

Mark Antony’s journey is about experiencing impact of loyalty and admiration toward Caesar and what that can do to himself, as a person. Mark Antony never actually made a choice to act loyal but it is driven by his passion and appreciation towards Caesar that makes him the character that he is. He IS a loyal and moral person. However, because he loved and appreciated Caesar so much and concentrated all the apprecitaion on him, it took away his ability to find out what was going on in the background, what plan was slowly forming in the conspirators minds. In one part of the play Caesar orders Antony to put ”men about me that are fat…Cassius has a lean and hungry look , He thinks too much: such men are dangerous.” Because Antony is rather worshiping him and not thinking outside the box, he just replies ”Fear him not, Caesar, he’s not dangerous. He is a noble Roman, and well given.”

So, after Caesars sudden assassination he realizes that he should have been more aware and apologizes, feeling guilty for leaving his idol in the hands of these murderers. “O pardon me thou bleeding piece of earth, that I am meek and gentle with these butchers! Thou art the ruins of the most noblest man that ever lived in the tide of times.” This passage shows how highly Antony respected Caesar and how he looked upon him as a king, a God. He was truly loyal and kind towards him, presenting him with the crown three times, and never leaving his side, giving his opinion to help Caesar. He loved Caesar so much that when he comes in after the assassination, and sees Caesar dead at the base of Pompey’s statue, he even wants the conspirators to take is life as well, “I shall find myself so apt to die. No place will please me so, no men of death as here by Caesar”. Loyalty like that of Antony, is what a person should have towards someone important in their life. He is so shocked and sad when he sees Caesar dead, an event that is so unexpected. This also shows that Antony was a follower, someone who would do anything for the leader, with their leader. He was a reactive yet moral person. But such high loyalty is also what changed and motivated him to seek revenge against the cruel conspirators, for the horrible deed that they have done.

Mark Antony loved Caesar with all his heart, and after the tragic death of his leader Antony will not only seek revenge against the conspirators, but will also change from being a reactive person, to a proactive person. Antony feels as if he has failed Julius Caesar not only because he was not aware about the conspiracy that was slowly forming but also because he wasn’t there to protect Caesar or be with him in the last moments of his life. And because he feels so guilty, he decides to kill the conspirators for Caesar. He wants to protect the legacy of Julius Caesar. So he takes action. When he is alone in the Senate house with Caesars corpse he cries: “Woe to the hands that shed this costly blood. Over they wounds do I prophesy…a curse shall light upon the limbs of men.” In this passage Antony not only decides to take revenge but also foreshadows Civil war, destruction and blood. Since Caesar is now fallen, Rome will be chaos. Antony’s goal is not to have a war but he also wouldn’t mind if it would turn into a civil war. All he wants is the conspirators dead. However, as predicted, civil war does break out and Antony and Octavius are fighting against Cassius and Brutus. Antony thinks that “Caesars spirit will range for revenge, with Ate by his side com hot from hell, shall in the confines with a monarch’s voice cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.” In this passage Antony believes that Caesar will be in his heart and will want revenge against the conspirators. He will help and be a leader in war. Antony’s motivation was loyalty to Caesar, didn’t matter if he was dead or alive. Antony predicted war, took action and eventually won the civil war, and made Brutus and Cassius, the leaders of the conspiracy, take their own lives. All of this proves that Antony has transformed from being a follower into being a leader, a progressive change. Only when Caesar was murderer, did Antony who used to be reactive, become proactive. The death enabled him to become a different person and for once take charge and take revenge.

During the play, Mark Antony was motivated by loyalty and revenge thriving him to become a better person. His main conflict was experiencing the feeling of having let Caesar down and by taking action and changing his character, but still being moral, Antony has basically overcome his conflict. He was always a loyal supporter to Julius Caesar, which is one of the main reasons why he later wanted revenge. That was the only way a person with so much loyalty could express his goal. I think that Antony has achieved his goal. Even if he went and killed a lot of Romans who were against Caesar, he still stayed a loyal supporter to Caesar. He felt guilty and bad for having let Caesar down and I think that only way to project that is by doing what one feels is the right thing to do.

Lost Boys Collage Reflection

My Lost Boys of Sudan Collage depicts the plight of the Sudanese refugees who were forced to migrate to different places. I have used the various SLR's whilst doing this project. Here is a more in-to-depth version of how I used the SLR's during the construction of my collage.

Think Creatively

I have a few creative elements on my collage that have important meaning. One of the more obvious ones would be the African-like tree which pops out due to its "colorful leaves" which are actually made up of colored pieces of crumpled paper. The tree plays a fairly large role in my collage because I think its meaning is very important. The tree represents the growth that happens within the lost boys during their journey. It illustrates not only the growth that developed in themselves, becoming more individual, but it also illustrates growth in education. They have come very far from where they have begun.
Another creative element that I have put onto my poster would be the giant detailed eye with the dove inserted. I placed this in the collage to illustrate that the lost boys see hope in their future. Last but not least a small yet creative element on my collage would be the picture of a destroyed village which I burnt on the sides to add to the effect. This is just simply showing all of the horrible things that have happened in the 20 years of civil war to the villages of Sudan.

Reason Critically

The images I picked to put on my collage, like ones of the refugee camp and war, show the shocking realism and everyday life of the lost boys. Some of my pictures are fairly symbolic, so I leave it to the viewer to decide how the picture speaks to them. I showed devastating pictures of crisis, yet I also showed pictures of hope and love, which in the end sums up what the whole journey of the lost boys represents, to me.

Communicate Effectively

Whilst creating my collage I made sure that I put pictures on it that created awareness to the conflicts of the lost boys of Sudan. I want the viewer to see images of the horrible times that the Lost Boys of Sudan have had in the past and then to also recognize some illustrations that encourage them to take action and help these poor people who have had a traumatic past (ex.colored hands on the upper left hand corner). The colored hands represent showing love and caring about people who are in need and most importantly take action and create awareness.

Live Ethically

Whilst looking at my collage, I want viewers to go on a journey and feel empathy for the lost boys of Sudan. By having pictures, words and symbols on my poster I want the viewer to realize how important this issue actually is and how much horrible things the lost boys have gone through. By having devastating pictures of war and massacre I want the viewer to feel sad for these people. However on my collage I also have happier things such as hope and light in the darkness. This will eventually end up to be an emotional roller coaster ride to the person who is receiving all of these different feelings and perspectives.

The Courageous Lost Boy

Sudan has been in a civil war for more than 20 years, affecting the lives of many innocent people. The Lost Boys of Sudan documentary follows two young boys from the Dinka tribe who were forcefully kicked out of their villages. After having to cross the capricious desert, with other orphaned children and growing up in an underdeveloped refugee camp, they become one of the 3800 Sudanese people who get resettled to different cities in the US by the International Rescue Committee. They are sent there so that they can get the opportunity to make something out of their lives, get jobs and become more educated. However, what they expect to be "heaven on earth", turns out to be a very hard and exhausting lifestyle. Peter Dut, one of the transferred lost boys, is faced with many challenges when he enters into the unfamiliar, new world of America.

One of the biggest conflicts Peter was faced with, was adapting to the new lifestyle and trying to earn enough money to make a living. Peter came from a refugee camp that was very under developed. People lived in straw huts and there was not a lot of food supply. But even though conditions were very poor, the refugees in the camp still kept their traditions and culture alive, dancing and singing to traditional songs. So moving to Texas, Houston was a unreal yet scary experience. Peter has never lived in real house before. He never had a large variety of food in giant supermarkets to choose from, and never really had full-on English conversations with people. But like any other person, Peter adapted quickly. He improves on his English, not only practicing in his class but also speaking regularly with his Sudanese friends in the neighborhood. He also learns how to cook on a stove and keep a good hygiene.

But even though Peter developed tremendously in the first 2 months, he still found it very hard to maintain enough money for things such as rent and food. Since he is a refugee he doesn't really get offered such a good start in a city, he works in factories, making little money per hour. But Peter came to the United States to learn and get educated to help his people back in Sudan. So he takes a big step and decides to leave his friends in Houston and drive to Kansas, where he believes he will find a better and easier life.

Once he enters a high school and has a part-time job at Wall mart, Peter becomes more social and absorbs the American culture. Because he befriends himself with a lot of friends from his basketball-camp, he starts to dress differently, kind of forgetting his original traditions and culture. When Peter gets complaining calls from home he feels torn between two situations. He wants to take care of himself, getting good jobs and working hard, however he also wants to care for his family back home and send them money. And because Peter is so busy with things such as basketball camp, school, homework and his part-time jobs he loses himself and forgets about his homeland, his people and his culture. When his family calls, Peter realizes his mistakes and even though he might not have as much money for himself as he wanted, he promises them that he will send some as soon as possible.

Peter overcomes the new city-life in many different ways. He makes decisions based on what is in front of him, he never stops giving his best and working hard to get some money and even though life may be hard for him, he still does things that makes him happy and does the best out of the things that are given.

Another conflict Peter faces when he goes to the U.S is the prejudice and racist behavior and culture of the American People. Because Peter is from Sudan, he has a different skin color than the majority of the people living in the US. Even African Americans think of him differently because he has a darker skin color than they do. People in general are very stereotypical and think of black toned people as bad and stupid people who steal, hurt, commit crimes and don't have a lot of education. Peter, who is foreign to this type of behavior, really struggles with the prejudice actions towards him.

When Peter does his part-time job in wall mart, taking away shopping-carts and pushing them into storage, his boss tells him that it should be alright for him to work outside in the sun, since they are "used to doing this in Africa for long hours in a day." This upsets Peter a lot not only because he is unfamiliar to people treating him like this but also because he is angry that people think of black people in the way that they do because he never did anything wrong. He was just a poor refugee trying to rebuild his life in America.

Another example of racist behavior is when the student counselor advises Peter to go to a community collage instead of taking 4 years in another collage because you "only have to take an assessment and not a final exam". Peter surprises him by having thought about everything already and having written up a whole biography about himself that was required for the application and having a GPA above 3.5. When he reads his biography the counselor is surprised because he thought Peter would be a student who slacked and did not try hard and was stupid because he came from Africa.

Even though the prejudice behavior was hard to overcome, Peter managed to work through the problem and still move on without hesitation. He knew what he was doing and was not going to let anyone keep him from striving for his goal.

Peter Dut may be regarded as just a young refugee with a terrible past, but he proves those wrong who under-estimate him. he is a courageous and gifted young man who strives to do his best.